Do be warned that this article contains major spoilers for the entirety of Dispatch.
Dear Blonde Blazer,
My name is Zhiqing, and I am the founder of Retcon. I have played many a choice-based narrative game over the years and have consumed a frankly unhealthy amount of media and content. I consider myself something of an expert when it comes to video games, movies, and TV. Because of this, I have become supremely confident of predicting where a story is going to go, even when I’m still early on. I would like to formally apologize to you as I had been convinced that you were 1000% a baddie (and not in the fun sexy way, though I’m sure I’m wrong on that front too) and have spent countless hours telling all my friends that I was so sure you would betray Robert and the Z-Team eventually. Clearly, the last two episodes of Dispatch have proven me wrong.
In my defense, though, you were extremely sus. You’re telling me a hot superhero woman just happens to take an interest in the most unassuming-looking human man in the world? I mean, granted, he’s voiced by Aaron Paul and he is very funny, and I would totally try to put the moves on him too, but still. And to make things worse, you virtually have no flaws! You’re a girlboss, you have super strength and you can fly, and above all, you’re actually genuinely nice? Literally, your only flaw is that you aren’t actually blonde and you were maybe a little callous when you dumped Phenomaman who, frankly, also deserved it. There had to be a catch, right?
Well, clearly not! I stand corrected! I was not aware that such beautiful, perfect individuals could exist in the world of Dispatch. And for that, I must humbly apologize and beg for your forgiveness.
Every step of the way, I was convinced that you had to be part of Shroud’s crew. After all, it seemed too convenient that you would approach Robert so soon after the Mecha Man suit was destroyed. Offering to rebuild the suit was just too good to be true. I figured that you must’ve wanted to get a better understanding of how the suit worked. What better way to take down your enemies than by befriending them and know everything there is to know about them, right?
In my mind, the key piece of evidence came when you insisted that we make a plan and wait instead of striking the warehouse where the Astral Pulse was located. You framed it so cleverly! Invisigal was made to look like the impulsive one while you appeared level-headed. I figured that you had to be a spy for Shroud and your only reason for making us wait was so that you could tell Shroud where the Astral Pulse was, and have him grab it before we could move.
All my theories came crumbling down as soon as you walked into that bar to save Robert. Eyes glowing, you delivered a magnificent superhero speech that immediately made me throw out all my silly crackpot theories. As if to shame me for my silly thoughts, you even showed up in the last episode of Dispatch as a hero that Robert could send out on missions, armed with ridiculously high stats and the ability to protect the other Z-Teamers from harm.
And as if all that wasn’t enough, you proved that you were a truly magnanimous being when you gave up your amulet — the very thing that gives you your superpowers — to bring Track Star out of his coma, and into the fray as the glorious hero he once was.
Blonde Blazer, I am truly, genuinely sorry for ever doubting you. My cynical world has been shattered. My eyes have been opened. I know now that I have been led astray by modern superhero media depicting golden heroes as corrupt beings that take advantage of us humans. Never again shall I disrespect a powerful hero such as yourself! As the feeble human I am, I will dedicate whatever’s left of my silly life to preaching the glory and goodness of the benevolent Blonde Blazer!
Sincerely, a crazed Blonde Blazer cultist/worshipper.
